Checking In

I was in Alabama this past week visiting my grandparents. Glad to see everyone's still trucking along. Traveling can be detrimental to any kind of food plan, but this time wasn't bad, and we did a lot of work, cleaning out a shed for my grandma. I also did 25 mins. on their exercise bike another day, so all in all, not a total loss.

I did discover that after "fibering up" for a while, there's a backlash if you stop ... you get the picture. Although I tend to be a little constipated when I travel, so maybe that was it. Anyway, I'm kind of glad that tomorrow is Monday and the week/schedule can begin. I feel more in charge of my food/excercise destiny that way.

Karen, it was awesome to see your post about forgiving yourself and getting back on the wagon. That's all we can do, you know? Perfection is not the goal.

eh, nothing good, nothing bad

this week was a stalemate. didn't feel like working out wednesday and realized why: i ate like crap that day....lots of refined sugar....and i had no energy. then friday i had 3 packages of those little debbie things while at work (and the handful of hershey's kisses). when i'm bored = i eat. i'm often bored at work therefore i eat. anyone have a little bit of lotto money left over so i don't have to work and eat?

didn't go the gym friday either because i opted to go work in the community garden at my kid's school. i figured i was going to sweat just as much (even at 7 pm!) and i did. i felt more productive since i was also contributing some TLC to the garden and came home with a nice mini-watermelon to boot.

today is the hubby's birthday. he asked for a chocolate cake. good. because i don't like chocolate cake. i'll probably have a very small piece. i KNOW i'll have a very small piece. i WILL have a very small piece. and i'm not buying ice cream to go with it because i know i would eat the whole quart if given the opportunity. he didn't ask for ice cream so, whew!

everyone ready for the nice cold front we're supposed to get? only 99 degrees today. woo hoo! break out the parkas. god, i can't wait for october.

angel

I'm still here!!!

Shit, I keep forgetting about this blog. But! Things are good. Normally when I disappear from something like this, it's because I fell off the wagon, am in denial, and hiding in shame. Not this time! I've just been busy living. And the living is good! I'm 9lbs down, eating lots of fresh fruit and veggies, and wearing tank tops. The wearing tank tops part is huge. In the past, I'd shy away from tank tops, swimsuits, and anything that showed too much skin because I was terrified of showing my flab. (Like you couldn't tell if it was there if I had on a cardigan!) Anyhow, the flab is certainly still there but my attitude has changed. I am who I am RIGHT NOW and there's no need to hide that under layers when it's 107 fucking degrees outside. I'm wearing a strappy sundress in size 16 right now and loving it.

what i've learned THIS week

when I don't feed my body what my 37 year old self knows it needs

my former selves take over and eat what they want

I've spent the past two days with a stomach bug of some sort

I didn't feel like getting up and juicing although juice probably would've been the BEST thing I could've done

By 10pm last night I was SO hungry I ate two (count em 2!) rice krispie treats and a little debbie brownie...things that I shouldn't eat (not because they're taboo but because the f-me up badly).

My former self said...well nothing is staying down or in anyway so why not go ahead and have the party in your mouth for a while

ugh

I've lost track of what day of the 30 we're on

but I do know that dirt under my finger nails from the garden and pulp from the juicing machine are two physical, tangible things that make me feel good about myself and when I feel good about myself I'm physically satisfied. And when I'm physically satisfied, my 37 year old self wins.

I'm a bit nervous about today

today I drive Bm to a weekend summer camp about 2 hrs from here

the same stretch of road where my last binge occurred

There was even a little voice reminding me that a milkshake, ooh and maybe some fries to go with it, would be a nice treat

Really? No

So I've juiced an amazing juice, carrots, arugula, celery, pear, apple and a lemon...which would probably be even more so amazing had I not brushed my teeth first. And Karen, I don't remember where I read it but there really IS something in raw fruits and veggies that tells the brain it is satisfied. I'm half way through my cup, and I'm full. My mouth is happy, my tummy is satisfied. I think my former me is pouting in the corner because she wanted a milkshake, but we'll have the 2 hr drive on the way back home to talk all of that out.

Something else I've learned

I love my shape

I've had the opportunity to see it often these past few days as I passed the mirror high tailing it to the bathroom. I like the area from my shoulders to my hip bones, quite alluring I think

That's a step in the right direction

Kinda like seeing the me that's under there...she's not under there, she's there

So I've learned to recognize her too...my former me and my future me.

If my scale doesn't move through this 30 days

I'll still be happy

:)

17 hrs and counting

i've had a stomach uch since 3am

i joked with the hub and said "this better earn me my skinny jeans"

but really...I'm just ready to eat something

I want to chew

I tried some banana chips (since I can't have crackers)

and they were good, but they didn't last in me very long

ugh

Failure, Krispy Kreme Is Thy Name

And wouldn't you know it, Failure tastes just as good as I remember.

Afterward, I was more ashamed than I had thought I would be.

But after that, I actually felt better and stronger than I had thought I would. I hadn't realized (or I did, but subconsciously smothered the realization so it wouldn't stop me from getting the donuts) that I was actually afraid that if I screwed up once, I wouldn't be able to get back on the wagon. That it would actually be all over from there, this journey would be killed and I'd be back in that place, that awful place I was two weeks ago.

Oh, how sweet, how freeing, how powerful it is to know that this time, it's different. For sure. Because I can screw up, and then after that I can pick myself back up, dust myself off, and haul my ass back onto that wagon.

I'm back in a good frame of mind. Today for lunch, I had a salad. I don't have salads for meals, people. But I had a salad, a big one. And when I was still hungry after? I had a banana and a handful of walnuts.

I am going to do this.

I am going to do this.

I AM doing this.

The first time I played, I really sucked...

...but they made me try, and I won

direct quote from my middleone as he plays with the wii waiting for grandma to come get him and his brother to hit the midnight showing of Transformers.

First time I ______, I really sucked...but they made me try, and I won.

Sounds like a good mantra

it may need lipstick and a mirror

I want a food processor

anyone have one in the recesses of her kitchen cabinets that she wouldn't miss if it were gone?

I may lurk on Craigslist for a while

So many of the Raw Recipes I want to try require a food processor

and I really DO use my juicer every day...so it wouldn't be a dust catching appliance

and since we got rid of the microwave, we have room

I guess that's one thing I've slacked on is trying a new raw recipe each week

I've tried new raw foods...like making myself eat avocado or a new type of sashimi and although i've bookmarked some great recipes, I haven't actually made anything yet

Thursday...I'm doing that :)

getting closer every day

just adding this song because it's in my head today




took a good look at my schedule since it's started this summer. kid in new school. MUCH closer and on my beaten path. realized how less stressed i am now that we have a shorter commute (my house to school to work in less than 30 minutes whereas old commute was 40 minutes just to school) . i've had to adjust my work schedule and start 30 minutes later because of the school's summer program. realized how much more i like having those 30 minutes to ourselves. like it so much that i've decided it will be a permanent change in my schedule come fall. from 29 hours a week (the max number of hours i can work at my position) to 27.5 a week. i hemmed and hawed because we'll lose a couple of hundred dollars a month over that small decrease in hours but i FELT so good as i saw that new schedule that i realized the decrease in stress far outweighs the financial adjustment. money isn't everything, even when everyone needs it.

also felt proud of myself for figuring out a way to get in a workout FIVE DAYS A WEEK in the fall. i already have 3 days guaranteed (hubby gets TThSat and I get MWF). But, just by letting kiddo stay an hour later after school twice a week (costing me only an extra $13 a week), i have time to go work out. the bonus is that it will happen on my two "solo parenting days" and those are the two days where i always neglect to find time for myself. but now i've gifted myself with exactly what i need on those long days.

not related: yesterday i was craving a chick pea-cucumber-parsley salad so i made one this morning for lunch and loved it. felt really good to be able to go out into our garden and snip a few sprigs of parsley to put in it. yum. i think tonight calls for cucumber and mashed potato sandwiches (insert smile directed at b).

i know, ramble ramble ramble. hopefully this touches someone.

no expectations

I went on the hunt for a swim suit today. God bless Academy. $122 later I came home with 2 workout capris, two tank shirts, a sports bra, 2 bathing suit bottoms, and one Life is Good bag (my impulse treat to myself). Yes, ladies, I have something I can wear in the water. Make that TWO somethings and the possibility of three combinations depending on what I mix and match to wear. Notice I said "something I can wear in the water" and not a bathing suit because it's, technically, not a complete suit. The bottoms are but the tops are put together by moi: I found two tank shirts that I really like (one that matches both bottoms) and a simple sports bra that can hold the puppies afloat and *almost* doesn't make it look like I have a uni-boob. I was proud of myself for realizing that (1) I don't like the tightness of a traditional swimsuit top and (2) I just wanted SOMETHING to wear in the water so I can go in. This is m.o.n.u.m.e.n.t.a.l. for me.

I was so good to myself in the dressing room. I didn't compliment or criticize my body. I just saw it for what it is. I was, surprisingly, very objective. I didn't balk at the sizes. I tried them on. Camel toe here, too baggy in the back there. Next. Next. Next. When I found the workout capris that were oh so comfy, I got two different colors. Can't say that I'll be wearing shorts to Sedona in September but I have something that I'm comfortable in, won't sweat to death in, and look decent in (plus, they'll keep me from burning my legs on the rocks!).

Funny, when I got in the car, I immediately starting taking mental note of what I should sacrifice since I splurged on the L.I.G. bag. Then I stopped myself. I don't need to give up something just because I got something. It's okay to have that indulgence. I do it for others. Now it's time to do it for me.

I was momentarily deflated when I went home to hubby and said, "I have an early birthday surprise for you." (this Friday) "I have something to wear in the water!!!!!" with a big toothy grin on my face. I thought he would have been more excited seeing that he is always offering unsolicited fashion advice and that I've avoided anything remotely wet other than the shower for 2 years. But eh, screw it. So when I showed him what I bought, I told him up front, "I don't want to hear anything critical from you when I show you what I bought. I'm really proud of the fact that I came home with something and don't want to be dragged down right now." He complied. :)

I've come to realize these 30 days are not about weight loss for me. It's about getting closer to balance. Less time on the computer. More time reading (b, I finished our Sedona book swap book...yipee!!!!). I don't necessarily sleep better but I recall my dreams more often. I'm uncovering hidden gifts that I brushed aside and didn't use. I love that the hammock has become a sacred place for me and my kid. That he asks for us to go sit in it almost daily. That we sit out there in the shadow of our house at 5 pm, when it's 99 degress outside but the warm breeze makes it bearable so we never truly feel hot. And we just sit there with very little movement or words for an hour. Just me and him.

I still struggle with temper flares sometimes. When that happens, I've learned that I'm either hungry, tired, or haven't done something exclusively for myself today--like shower (or a combo of all three). I still get unnerved when my son beckons, for the 342nd time in less three hours, "mama, play with me" when we HAVE been playing but I've taken a 4 minute break to unload the dryer or stack the dishwasher. I still get weepy and, for a nanosecond, think "Oh God, is the depression coming back?" then I realize it's not a sad weepy, it's a this-is-progress weepy. A good, coming back to center kind of weepy.

The intuitive art class didn't pan out tonight but I'm glad, in a way, because I still did something nurturing. And I still worked out after shopping. I didn't jog today. My body didn't ask for a jog. She asked for a nice, steady, slightly sweat inducing 30 minute walk. And that's what she got. I don't owe anyone a jog, not even myself. I owe it to my body to listen to her.

Lately, I've eaten without thinking. I don't mean mindless eating. I mean having a donut and not mentally beating myself up for it. Just being with the food...whatever it is that I want...and noticing that I haven't binged in over week. Not commending myself on good choices, not berating myself with less than stellar choices. Just being with the choices. I've lowered my expectations of myself, which is a terrific thing because I have a habit of putting the bar so high that I will always fail. So today was a good day.

And that is my monologue for tonight.

Holla!

Give me a check in, mamas. We're over the starting hump, don't let's loose steam now.

ughhh and ahhh all in the same day

today is good

juiced

packed up the bikes and went for a ride (off road and bike trail) with the hub and Bm

visited my dad and the hub made us all a great lunch while the pops and i jabbered with our hands

i felt good in my helmet and bike shorts

NO, i didn't look good in my bike shorts but there's something about all the gear that reminds me of when I used to hit the trail for 20 mile rides like it was nuttin

and I love cycling

so it was good

ughhhhh

because my arms are fat

dammit

large blouses swallow me

but medium blouses

well the arms are just too damn small

if there's a button, i have to unbutton

if there's no button, i'm S.O.L.

this is new for me

I don't like it

I choose the ahh instead of the ughh

finishing my glass of wine (in my nifty wine glass with the blue stem)

and headed to the grocery store

HOLY SHIT

I weighed myself today.

And I have lost about six pounds this week.

I just... can't... believe... so amazing... this is just... how... I can't... no words to describe... they should've sent a poet.

YES, dammit, YES

I went to the gym par usual tonight. Decided that instead of alternating my walk with my jog, I would make the jog stretch a little longer. So I took my current jog (6/10 of a mile...and yes, I know that's not broken down to the LCD) and did it in three 2/10 of a mile jogs. Jog #2 and I WAS IN MY ZONE!!!!! Donna Summer blaring MacArthur Park in my ears and I felt like the puma in the old school Animalympics cartoon. I WAS HOT!!! Literally and figuratively. I didn't complete my final jog set. My body said slow down so I did. And I gave myself a slightly longer cool down period than usual. I made sure I stretched well after it all. And I pray I don't get one of those dang heat headaches. I had sweatdrops falling on my decoulette. My face was beet red (which is always the case when I work out hard). Ladies, I was almost in tears. Seriously. I ROCKED!

One thing I don't do at the gym: look in the mirror. What I see is not me. It's the Used To Be Me molting as the Me Me gets closer and closer to the surface.

And I was home by 8:15 (did you catch that, b? wink)

angel

This is why success is not measured by avoiding failure

I struggle with compulsive overeating

Food is my drug of choice

I'm working on the reasons for that now

I had a great week according the the principles I laid out for my 30 days

I did not lay out impossible things to avoid because honestly, I do not know yet why I am attracted to them so intensely

When I eat out of emotion, it is definitely NOT because I'm hungry, or craving, or have a taste for something or any rational, conscious reason

This happened before I truly took hold of my day

I accept this

I'm admitting to this (even telling my hub)

I am working on the reasons for this

I stopped this (today)

Then I juiced (orange juice is actually AWESOME if you leave the peel ON)

drove my son to his friend's house for a sleep over

and cut back the azaleas

I felt a wee bit sad for this last thing...but only for a moment

we didn't plant them

they were here when we bought the house

they were planted too close to the house

they've NEVER bloomed

the cuttings will be great food for the compost bin AND the soil where they were is nice and rich! Perfect for some more edibles

I'm working on a healthier me

One Week!

Holy shit, mamas! How do you feel? Are you glad you're doing this? Are you at peace, or all you all in a tizzy? Are you feeling success? Are you proud of you?

I want to know:

• How did Erin's babysitting night go?
  
• Is Shannon feeling fuller at mealtime with smaller, fiber-rich meals?
  
• Is Angel a step closer to her new skirt?
  
• Is Melia closing in on her five-a-day fruits and veggies?
  
• What does Babs' husband think of all the sex?!
  
• What happened to Lani???
  

As for me, well. Let me just say NO SODAS OR JUNK BINGES FOR ONE WEEK!!!!!!!!
!!!
!!!!
!!!!!
!!!!!!
!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Previous Stats:

Weight: ugly
Energy level: dismal
Eating habits: nauseating

Current Stats:
Weight: hoping for ugly minus one. I don't actually have a scale (unpacked from the move 11 months ago) here at home, but I weighed myself at my Mom's house last week (hi Mom!) and will do so again tomorrow. My fingers are crossed super judo pretzel zen twisty tie style.
Energy level: not quite as dismal
Eating habits: awesome in comparison

Things I'm afraid to voice aloud in case it jinxes them:

Arms: maybe a wee bit less plump???
Energy level: approaching something closer to human???
Mood swings: somewhat more even keeled???
Waking Up In the Morning: possibly slightly less difficult???

No matter WHAT happens in the journey ahead, I am so, so glad I came this far. I DID it. I haven't done quite as well as I wanted, but I DID it. NO sodas. NONE of the junk on my Nix list. Healthier, regular meals? Check. Getting out with The Boy more? Check. Massive mind struggle against heavyweight cravings? Check. Success??? CHECK.

Let us celebrate with a little Evolution of Dance, just because it feels soooo good.

what i've learned

juicing makes me feel satisfied

my body craves raw food and in the case of fruits and vegetables, it's definitely better for you

steam 'em maybe but defintely DON'T nuke em...we got rid of our microwave 3 months ago (and our 14 year old JUST noticed a week or 2 ago)

When you do things your kids wanna do instead of what you THINK your kids wanna do, you have to remember you're doing it for THEM

When you remember why you're doing it, you wanna do it too...and it feels good

Fingers in the dirt feels good

watching lil sprouts reach for the sun feels even better (look closely in front of the aloe, those are our new strawberries)

7 nights in a row doesn't have to mean nights

I'm learning that we're probably not a nights-all-the-time kinda couple

actually...we're probably more afternoon-before-dinner kinda folks

it may be different if the hub were in on it...but for now he's not

maybe next month ;)

I am more than how I look in a bathing suit...but the apprehension around who I am in a bathing suit can still wither me away to nothing

Today I went from EVERYTHING to NOTHING in a matter of minutes

After a glorious morning planting our strawberries, bananas and our olive tree (which is currently a twig but has big aspirations)...feeling so very good, sharing time in the dirt with my hub (no that wasn't one of the seven) and BOTH of us sharing a sense of accomplishment in creating a nourishing home for our family ... absolutely glowing.

Then our afternoon plans changed

we aren't going canoeing (is there an e in that word?) we're just gonna go swimming at the springs

But but but

when we canoe I can wear my capris

when we swim, i can't

i don't have any shorts that fit that are conducive to swimming

my hub's board shorts are a tad too big

and i crumbled

i shrank so deep inside myself, hiding behind my heart chakra, I nearly cried

i sucked it up and went to the springs

had a too-close-encounter with a water moccasin

hated the feel of my thighs rubbing together as we walked to the top of the tubing run

then remembered why i was there

i was there to share time with my fam

my kids wanted to go, were digging for sharks teeth, were having fun

so i flipped the script...at which point my son pointed out...have you looked at everyone else around? He wasn't being derogatory to anyone, he was just pointing out that my measuring stick might be a bit skewed...and I actually looked better than the majority

he deserved a big ol hug for that

then I soaked in the sun, admired the ferns, felt the cool spring water run over my toes, and got bitten by a horse fly...being present is a cool thing

i have broken one rule and i have stepped on the scale

the numbers have not moved (which is neither positive nor negative)

but it doesn't really matter because my life is healthier for following the rest of my rules

hope everyone had a glorious Tuesday

disjointed

I'm having a hard time keeping up with this blog. I do read your posts and think "yes! I know exactly what you mean!" or "Awesome! less cottage cheese!" but then I get sidetracked and forget to comment.

Anyhow, I'm still here.

I've been eating lots of fresh fruits and veggies and walking 2 miles a day at least five days a week. I also bought a bike trailer with my babysitting money and am adding some biking to the daily routine.

I've had some huge stressors this past month with my kid starting a new school and my mom's cancer scare, and it has honestly been hard to not turn to food for comfort. It's amazing how raw I feel without being able to turn to food.

I had an ice cream cone tonight. It was delicious. But then I came home and made some popcorn with real butter. and a big handful of animal cookies. Not the end of the world but proof that eating sugar is a trigger for me.

I'm so tired. This post is all over the place. Tomorrow is my weigh-in day. I'll be back. Time to sleep.

I mentioned before that I'm on a fiber kick right now, trying to put a lot more of it into our meals. We already eat fairly healthy most days, but we eat too much, so I'm trying to put less fat and more fiber on the plate, meaning we're fuller faster and for longer. Here are some fiber-y things I really like that make it easy to add some to most meals: whole wheat couscous (in bulk at our HEB, which is the Pflugerville HEB, so it ain't fancy; plus couscous cooks in 5 mins.), Barilla Pasta Plus (much tastier than whole wheat pastas and has more protien), and quinoa (if you've never tried it, start with this recipe: http://www.livemom.com/2009/05/14/thursdays-dish-moms-quinoa-salad/ -- I swear you'll love it).

Also, I've been trying to eat more nuts, especially almonds, and more avocados. I know, lots of fat, but apparently our bodies use non-meat fats a lot more quickly/easily than those from meat and dairy. And by more, I mean a couple of handfuls of nuts in the afternoon and a half an avocado on a sandwich. Both are great because they have fat and fiber, so they're very filling.

I'm looking for a really good recipe for All-Bran muffins. I was shocked that the recipe is no longer on the cereal box. I tried one I found online, and it was okay, but not how I remember them from years ago. In the new ones, the All-Bran sort of stayed in its stick shape inside the muffin, which I found slightly creepy. In the old ones, I think I remember that you soaked the All-Bran in milk or something before adding it to the batter ... anyone?

Food addiction ... compulsive overeating ... body image issues ... yes, I totally relate to all of that. It really defined my life for many years, and I still struggle with parts of it, but I feel like I've overcome some facets of it. It took a lot of conscious work, maybe not as much as my friends who've had substance abuse issues, but it still took work. I recommended Overcoming Overeating before, and will again. I also saw an Austin therapist, Susan Bushong, who is now at this practice: http://www.nvgroup.com/home.html (there's an Eating Disorders link there).

I also had to forgive myself, and still do, for ... I don't know ... being me. Being imperfect. I had to stop the internal bashing and be kinder to myself. I made myself so unhappy focusing on all the things I wasn't (specifically thin). I had been overweight all my life, and finally realized that I could be fat and unhappy, or I could be fat and happy. I made a conscious decision to be happy with my very imperfect self, and it pretty much changed my life. I know this sounds all Oprah-y, and it was a very messy process involving divorce, a move and other life changes, but I believe my current happiness and the end of my compulsive overeating began when I made that decision. I still clean my plate at times, but I don't have that out-of-control feeling any more.

Now that I'm a parent, I want to be happy AND healthy, so I can be around and well for my child, and that's motivating me to exercise more and seek ways to eat healthier without making me and my family feel deprived.

I took care of me today

around 3:30 I saw a buttermint in my "junk cup" at work

went to reach for it and said

"you don't even want that, you're just going to grab it because it's there"

So I didn't

The hub called me on the way home to say

"hey, we're gonna wait for you to get home so we can all go shoot off rockets" (the boys built rockets today)

I knew Bm had the Court of Awards ceremony at GS and I wouldn't get dinner until after 8...well until after I made it when I got home at 8

so on my way home I called the hub

"hey, could you please make me a pb&j?" Toast my bread, my pb is on the top shelf and I like the mango jelly"

he did, it was good...hit the spot and kept me satisfied all the way through feeding the family and finding something for myself

i took care of me

avoided meltdown

avoided the "eating anything, even if it has gluten, coz i'm starving and gonna kill someone" place

:)

juiced

apple

uber yummy salad for lunch

lara bar

found an interesting raw key lime pie recipe (that uses avocados...so 2 birds one stone)

did something the BOYS wanted to do today (and had to duck and cover from falling rockets)

today is day 2

Can I do it again?

We managed our not eating out last week (save for the kid insisted trip to Chick Fil A that we managed to put off til Friday). In fact, we didn't even go to the grocery store last week. How did I stockpile that much food and not realize it? Yikes! I feel good about the impact that must have had on our budget.

* I've been doing better with my 5 a day, but I'm not sure I get 5 every day. I definitely get at least one, though, and I know that's an improvement.
* I've stopped packing on the pounds. I don't know that I've lost any, but I can tell things are getting any tighter. Thank the gods! This wasn't necessarily a stated goal because I don't want this to be about the weight loss. It was kind of disheartening to feel my clothes getting tighter and tighter, though.

I like Angel's apple a day. I bought some of those yesterday because I've been loving them with peanut butter - protein and fruit. Awesome!

Tonight, though - happy hour! A margarita counts as a fruit, right? And fries with dill ranch are a veggie? Yeah...

one small step for thighs everywhere, one giant step for mine

i looked down last night and saw that the tops of my thighs look slightly less cottage-cheese like than usual. better yet, i'm past my ovulation point this month and that's where i start to put on a lot of bloating so it was a nicer surprise to notice that at this time of the month.

Sunday Sunday Sunday...

juiced - yum

even got the hub to taste some

and Bm had some orange juice (love how it's frothy when it's fresh, reminds me of Orange Julius from when I was a kid)

I packed a larabar because I KNEW i'd get hungry between the time church ended and the time our BBQ plans began...goood thinking!

raw veggies and dip to nosh while we visited with the Wag's around their pool

took #1son to Biglots to buy his video camera

he turned 14 a couple of weeks ago and spoke incessantly about the video camera he planned to get...some silly B grade camera from Wally World.

While perusing the local BigLots for Gluten Free finds (yes, they have TONS of them) I spotted the same JVC hybrid recorder we have cheaper for what he was planning to spend at Wally World.... so after our plans today I willingly drove out of our way so he could pick up his cash and headed over to Biglots inspite of the fact it was after 6 on a Sunday and I thought they'd be closed...it wasn't about me or hub, it was about doing something the kid wanted to do

AND they were open

AND Bill was there

Bill is the cool guy with a lazy eye who went to Juilliard and travelled the country singing in his younger years who now works as a cashier at Big Lots...go figure

I giggle now because #1son's camera battery just finished charging and he actually considered recording himself making eggs :)

I didn't get any garden time in today because we spent the day lazing with friends by their pool

but today's message WAS about seeds...and gardening...and nurturing the seeds you really want to grow...so I was in my garden spiritually :)

I even enjoyed some ice cream... enjoyed it

i didn't scarf it

i didn't eat it mindlessly or too much of it

i rolled it around and actually tasted it

had just enough and felt satisfied (sassified)

Now (sigh) I'm half heartedly watching the Magic lose their chance at extending the Finals series...

Food Addiction

Sometimes this thing seems almost easy. And other times, I feel like ripping my hair out and setting myself on fire.

What is food addiction? I couldn't tell you for sure if there's a true definition of it or if I fit in the description. I've never been to a support meeting or talked to a therapist.

What I can tell you is that food, for me, is not sustenance for your body and something to make your taste buds happy.

For me, food is a mythical, powerful, dominating force. I'm like a pebble on the beach and it's the stormy ocean breaking on me in waves. When I binge or eat certain types of food it's hardly like making a choice. I can't not do it. Sometimes I'm even thinking "Shit, I don't want to eat this. I'm full right now. This doesn't even look appetizing and it's probably going to make me nauseous." And I'm thinking that as I'm watching my hand pick it up and put it in my mouth without hesitation. Honestly though, usually I'm thinking about how delicious it is and how much I want it and how very good it's going to taste.

Sometimes when I'm binging, it's because I'm stressed. They say food can numb emotions you don't want to feel, and that's never rung true for me. I recently realized what they mean, and it's more like a blanket- a soft, downy, welcoming blanket that covers those feelings so you can ignore them and curl up on the blanket instead.

Much of the time though, there's no trigger to my... shall we say, bad choices. I just WANT that junk, damnit. I want it because it's SO DAMN GOOD. Even when it isn't. How did eating become such a perverted, unnatural thing for me?

I am so on board with this One Month thing. I have to be. I have to think about it all the time- it's the tool I'm using to shape my future. Blogging on here is the accountability I need to stop myself from hitting Sonic for three grilled cheese sandwiches, sonic size fries, and a large apple juice slush, and then wondering how I can subtly make the server think it's not all for me.

Even so, on the first day, four times in the first hour alone it was like my brain would reboot and suddenly I would find myself thinking about having Pixie Stix for breakfast, or bringing a Coke in the car to have on the way home from school drop off, or stopping by Krispy Kreme since I happened to be passing near it. Where did those thoughts come from? It was surprising and scary to see what a habit it had become for me to think about junk food.

I'm also surprised at how rapidly those reboots petered out, and already they are pretty much gone. Don't congratulate me yet though. I'm still plagued with plenty of ugly, powerful thoughts and urges.

They're just all the conscious ones now.

another day for me, too

couldn't go to the gym today because they close at 6 on the weekends so i opted for the pond again. i didn't walk as quickly as i had been because my dinner from la madeline turned out to be heavier than i thought. i certainly didn't run when it was still 96 degrees outside at 8 pm. but i still did it. and told myself that every little bit of movement counts no matter if it's 110% some days or 80% on others because even 80% is better than sitting on my ass with another bowl of ice cream.

i realized the best thing about my gym is that it's a REAL gym with very out of shape women in it. no big box gym with showcase models working out.

haven't had my apple yet today. guess that will be my late night snack.

and i realized just how much fun it is to take your kid to half price books. we turned in our first summer reading card to them and got our $3 credit so e walked away with 2 curious george books.

angel

another day

juiced

prepped the soil for the new strawberries coming soon AND moved the pepper plants out of the way of the new rain barrel (can't wait for that)

enjoyed my new favorite raw food snack, a pistachio larabar and I think I like it even better because I found them at BIG LOTS for about 60% less than I paid for them at Whole Foods!

I had some sliced avocado with my sandwich for lunch

not really a recipe, i guess, just sliced with sea salt and cracked pepper

I didn't hate it

that's all I have to say about that

We went to the Saturday Gathering this morning

it's a cooperative community assistance program our church participates in to feed the homeless and offer other assistance. Bm and I made 180 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches...whew!

Then...we went and did what SHE wanted

I was slightly annoyed, but I got over it quickly when I realized I was getting healthier...I was make her healthier too :)

check!

now off to interpret Jordin Sparks

but it looks like the sky is going to fall

so maybe not

the perils of babysitting

So tonight I'm babysitting for a family that has the most glorious pantry ever. Or at least when I'm not paying attention to my eating it is. It has all sorts of chips and cookies and crackers. There is always a bucket full of roasted cashews too. Oh and the fridge is full of cheese and olives and leftover lasagna. And there is a separate fridge in the garage that has soda. Sure, the pay is awesome, but honestly I go for the food. It's like a vacation to the junk food spa! They have great magazines there too. So I put the kids to bed, put my feet up on the couch, read magazines, and eat my heart out for a couple hours.

As you can see, I need a game plan for tonight. I'm thinking I'll eat a healthy dinner beforehand and pack some fruit and popcorn to take along. I will decide on one pantry splurge when I am there and will have ONE portion.

Wish me luck.

Wait, I don't need luck. I can do this dammit.

movin' on up...

went to the gym today (again) instead of walking outside because i didn't want the soles of my sneakers to stick to the hot ground!

last time i went, i jogged a little. tonight i jogged a little more. it felt good. really good. and it felt possible. to paraphrase the religious right: with crystal method and the beastie boys, all things are possible.

slowly but surely the little seane corn-esque woman in me is growing stronger and filling in my shell. i just know i have a body like hers in me. i can FEEL it (yes, i'm coveting).

me so happy.

mindless

stopped myself while reaching for my 3rd buttermint

eat real food...obviously you want some

retrieved the pear from my lunch back

score one for the gipper

check, check, check

• juiced this morning,
• pureed brocolli chilled (raw) soup for lunch
• new tomato plant in the topsy turvy for the one that didn't make it through the storm
• taught Bm how to use the desktop publishing software so she could work on the book she's writing over the summer
• researched some raw recipes that utilize avocado since it was on sale
• came to terms with my identity

I did also enjoy 2 pieces of russel stovers chocolate and two peppermint patties during the course of the day. They were actually quite yummy and it doesn't bother me as much that I enjoyed these treats since I'm so proud of the checks on my list

a note from the Universe

I get these in my inbox daily from tut.com. How appropriate is today's note...

Angel, it's supposed to be easy. Everything is supposed to be easy. Everything is easy. You live in a dream world. You're surrounded by illusions. And the illusions change when you change your thinking! Tell yourself it's easy. Tell yourself often. Make it a mantra. Eat, sleep, and breathe it. And your life shall be transformed.

It's supposed to be easy,
The Universe

Our Builder is a Butthead

I couldn’t have made it any clearer could I
I mean we spent a couple of hours with the guy planning our dream house
Well the AUDACITY
He actually called my husband last night and said he couldn’t do the job
He said it was MY fault
Hey bub, you’re the one with the business name “DREAMBUILDERS” so shut up already and go build my dream

He said that I never told him what I wanted
Can you believe it!

After I huffed and puffed for a while, my hub said “well, you DID just give him a list of “nots,” you never really told him what you wanted

Oh, now you’re on HIS side! Listen, I’ve lived in this shack for 3 years now and am definitely ready to get out so don’t tell me I didn’t give him ideas! Grrr…now I have to go find another builder and did I mention…the A/C is out again! You guys in Austin think you have it bad…you ain’t seen summer in Florida and it’s not even officially summer!

I hate this place
The neighbors suck, the feral cats drive us nuts, the windows are a joke (we have air leaks galore), there is no closet space and you can’t even turn around in the master bathroom…what’s so master about that! The kitchen is pretty cool but that’s because I just re-deco’d, the floors suck because the previous owners didn’t know anything about floating a floor before installing…so tiles with cracks and cheap laminate flooring…joy
The tops of my thighs are bigger than my hips and my hips are already pretty big to begin with. I have tiny shoulders and a tiny waist but the girth of my biceps has grown so none of my shirts fit…my arms look like stuffed sausages oh, and did I mention my double chin? I used to think it only showed when I smiled a certain way but an hour in front of the mirror proved me wrong on that one ( a crooked mirror, off centered from the vanity to boot!)

I wish I could feel happy in my own skin. I want long hair and a glow about me. I want strong shoulders and biceps and a beautiful curve to my torso. I want to see my collar bones again and have definition to the shape of my face. I want my tattoos to peek out from under the hem of my shirt and show my womanly, healthy, natural curves. I want ankles!

I want a window over the kitchen sink and I want the washer and dryer in the kitchen. I want my mud room converted into my office and project space so I can take the computer out of our bedroom. I want an entire bookcase wall and defined space for our musical instruments: drums, 9 guitars, trumpet, keyboard, all the amps, the violin and all the hand percussion. I want flow from the kitchen/eating area into the living area so we can all be together and we can entertain more. I want front, back and side yards with varying amounts of sunlight/shade so I can alternate my gardens. I want a recycling and compost center built off the back deck…

You know, there may be something to this “saying what I want” thing…after all how else am I supposed to build my dream? ;)

We’re not really building a new house
Heck…I’m lucky that I have another week’s check coming in so I can pay for the one we have…my hours are almost nil and my hub lost his job in April.
I don’t really hate our house…we LOVE it, it does have the problems I mentioned but it’s home and it’s a work in progress and it really is the house that God gave us…(there’s a blog post of mine I could link here but I can’t find it right now).
But I am building a new house for my spirit and soul, so it’s time to clear the cobwebs and quit complaining about the construction and do something…something positive for myself because every time I tell myself what NOT to do…I get stuck.
Well no wonder…how do I know where to go if I don’t tell myself 

Just food for thought
Oh yeah…I’m changing that to
Just donut for thought
Coz donut shouldn’t be a 4 letter word
Wait…
Oh never mind 

six pounds!!!

Holy crap. Could I have really lost 6 lbs last week just from walking, drinking more water, and thinking about what I eat? Apparently so. I've got to assume a lotof it is water weight but damn, I'll take it. 6 down, 40 more to go! (ouch)

Last night was especially challenging. Wednesday nights are "man nights" for the husband and in the past, these nights alone have been binge nights for me. Add onto that that our son just started a new daycare and is having a hard time transitioning which just tears me apart. I find myself desperately wanting to turn to the pantry whenever I think about it. I went to the pantry oh um about 100 times last night just to stare at all the food. I thought about sugary cereal. I contemplated the ginger cookies. Popcorn with real butter? How about making some mac and cheese? In the end, I chose dried pineapple because it's sweet and chewy and I went to bed. I guess this is how you lose weight.

My Meals

Day 1:

Breakfast. Two eggs, cottage cheese and apple sauce.
Lunch: One tuna sandwich, sliced apple with peanut butter.
Dinner: Sauteed chicken, brown rice, salad (spinach, romaine, cukes, tomatoes, cheese).

Day 2:

Breakfast. Skipped
Lunch: One tuna sandwich, baby carrots with Ranch, sliced apple with peanut butter.
Dinner: Sauteed fish, mashed potatoes, cukes with Ranch.

I know it's all relative so I'll just tell you, this is pretty awesome for me. Note the conspicuous absence of soda, baked goods, or candy. I just realized I feel kind of lost. I'm so used to eating junk, and it's such a big part of my life. It's losing your left pointer finger, or not being able to see the color blue, or something. Whoa! Where the fuck is it? You can't help but notice it, more or less all the time.

Also, today we went to the store, which is The Place Where You Buy Temptation to me, and we had to walk through the bakery, and there were a jillion fresh donuts, then ice cream at end caps, bulk candy and sodas by the check-out, etc etc. Going to the store is one of the hardest things for me. But I did it! No junk food! Not. Even. Considered. Boo-yah! As my circa 1993 brother would say.

Fiber Is Your Friend

My plan for the next 30 days is to keep following (with some tweaks) the Fiber Up, Slim Down plan from a cookbook of same name that I found at the library. Getting me and my husband sated at a meal seems to be key for us, and so adding more fiber helps that since the assumption is that we'll eat less of the good stuff (i.e., meat, sweets, etc.). I cannot do deprivation, so I'm hoping this will help me keep shedding weight.

I lost about 30 pounds pretty easily over the last year because I quit my desk job and started staying at home with our 4-year-old (switched places with husband, who had been doing it since her birth -- he finished school and got a job). The desk job is a killer -- why are there always donuts and tacos and celebration lunches ... not to mention I was the food editor, so we had monthly recipe testing. Ugh. Then I started actually exercising (sporadically), watching my portion sizes and what I was cooking, plus did a 10-week "biggest loser"-style competition with friends, and lost another 10 pounds. I know that's a big accomplishment, but I also have a looooong way to go. I could lose 60 more pounds before even showing up in the "healthy" weight category for my height, and more than that for "ideal," which we should all pause to scoff at now.

I mentioned that I don't do deprivation. I started dieting (with my mom) when I was about 10, and kept it up (gaining, losing, gaining. losing) until I was 27. I was just so sick of it, having done everything from Atkins (the first time around, in the '80s) to Optifast (yeah, thanks Oprah). I knew there had to be some other answer. I found a great book called Overcoming Overeating. It helped me put things in perspective, and I decided to just be me for awhile, and see where I ended up with my weight and with my life. I ended up getting a divorce, moving to Austin, getting a master's degree, and finding a therapist to work out body issues with. The result was that I was a much, much happier person, even though I was still overweight. I has stopped bingeing and dieting, stopped seeing myself as this flawed thing that needed fixing, and started to know myself better.

Fast forward to now (age 38). I feel like I can (finally) lose weight without freaking out about it. I can step on the scale and not let a "bad" number bring me down for the day, or a "good" number make me elated. Don't get me wrong, I feel good when it's going in the healthier direction, but I'm no longer tying that to my worth as a person. ... Alright, this is getting really long. Anyway, I'm here. Let's do this thing. I'll post some good recipes from the fiber book next time.

New House!

Okay I'm really psyched...a BRAND NEW house!
Met with the builder today and gave very specific instructions
Definitely DO NOT want a giant garage door as part of the front of the house...who thought this was a good idea anyway? where's the curb appeal in that
I don't want all the bedrooms down the same hallway
I don't want my back windows to be left untrimmed...who cares if they can't be seen from the road, I can seem em when I'm in the back yard!
I don't want to look into my neighbors house from my kitchen window...or any other window for that matter
I don't want an electric range
I don't want white fixtures in the bathrooms
I don't want light fixtures with two sets of switches coz screw the convenience, it bugs the hell outta me when the light switch is "on" but the light is off! (its OCD creeping up on me)
I don't want sliding glass doors and I don't want the master closet enclosed with the master bathroom.

I think it was a great meeting...we're expecting the plans by the end of next week and I just know they'll be EXACTLY what I want!

Just sayin...

expanding the horizons of "healthy"

just food for thought (and no, karen, sorry, it doesn't taste like a donut):

one month of healthy living doesn't have to be solely focused on physical health. treat yourself to a little bit of emotional lovin' or cerebral lovin' too, if you need it. actually, you probably DO need it since body and mind are so intertwined. so on days when you're prone to bash yourself for "failing" to meet a physical goal you set for yourself, look to other parts of your day where you lathered on the lovin'...or where you would have liked a little self-induced TLC.

play along: if you were forbidden from making any healthy PHYSICAL changes over the next 30 days, what would you focus on?

focusing on the ADDITION of healthly habits and behaviors and attitudes because who we kiddin'? tempetation ain't goin' anywhere.

angel

ps: 94 effing degrees IN THE SHADE at 5:30 pm according to my patio thermometer??? sweetbabyjesus. and on my walking day. you'll find me at the gym instead of the pond tonight, ladies. how soon 'til october?

Well, well

So I said I was going to do this and ... well, then I forgot about it. This seems to be my MO for just about any new 'program'. I have been being better about cutting my portion sizes, eating more slowly and only eating until I'm full. Somehow, though, it doesn't seem to do much when all you're eating is sweets. I can eat those until I'm full and *still* gain weight. Imagine that?!

With that, my goals
* Get my 5 a day - a mix of fruits and veggies, and yes, I'm counting the can of V8 as one because otherwise it's damn near impossible for me.
* Eat in more often - the kids and I eat lunch out almost every day. Which means that we throw away a lot of the leftovers that we could be eating for that meal, and that we spend money that we really shouldn't be spending. I know we can't give up the Thursday trip to Chick Fil A without my kids rioting, but if we can keep it to just that one - Win!
* Maintain my slow, conscious eating - as a mama this is *HARD*. I eat on the run. I eat quickly so I don't have to share. I clean up after my kids without even realizing it.

I'm sure there's more, but those are the ones that come to me quickly. I'll be back...

wardrobe mistake #138

talking to myself this morning: "wow, i guess my stomach is slimming down because these underwear are pretty loose in the front now." (insert pat on back for drinking obviously effective chinese herb slimming tea)

talking to myself an hour later, while using the restroom at work: "dumbass, you put your underwear on backward today."

guess this wouldn't happen if i wore a thong, eh? so much for progress on day three.

angel

I'm sticking around

So my quest to a healthier life started last week, and the week before that, and then a couple months ago, oh and last year's start was really awesome, and when I got married, and before that trip to NYC, and, and, and, and....

I'm really good at starts. It's the maintaining part that's a bitch.

I've been walking two miles every day, drinking more water, and keeping track of what I put in my mouth. I'm doing pretty good so far- but that's not the problem, it's when I don't do so good that I'm worried about.

So my goal this month (and this blog better well last more than 30 days) is to stick with it regardless if I have a binge of Cocoa Puffs one night or not. Previously, one binge would lead to another, and then I'd say "oh why even bother? I'm doomed! Where's the chocolate?"

Day 1: What Has the First Day of No Junk Food Been Like For Me?

Headaches, energy zaps, mood swings, irritability, mental fuzziness.

So, no changes there.

Making it official

Wow I've moved to the front of the page :)

So here are my goals for the "30 days" plus one that didn't appear in the original comments complete with hyperlinks where appropriate

*going more raw. I'll juice every morning and add at least one other raw meal or snack each day

*I'll try out one new raw food recipe each week

*I'll work in the garden(s) every day, usually after work when the sun is still out but it's not too hot

*I'll relocate and renovate the compost bin

*I'll do something each of my KIDS wants to do one day each week instead of something I want to do with my kids

*One week this month, every night of the week

*The only scale-like object I will put my feet on is my Wii fitness board

And as for e's mama's comment on my comment:

"Does hubby know about the plan for a week of crazy monkey sex? I could aim for 7 days this month but probably not in a row."

I don't THINK I said anything about "crazy monkey sex," just sex...some can be crazy, some can be monkey, some can just be...and I haven't decided whether I'll let him in on it beforehand :)

I was going to put an official "start date to the 30" and have it be this Friday...but then I figured, Why Wait!

ever wondered what 7200 calories looks like?

3 boxes of donuts, each box holding a dozen donuts, assumed calories are 200 per donut. voila = 7200 calories. i should thank my boss because this image has seered itself into my brain and i don't think i'll crave another donut ever again. i didn't even eat one this morning, which is a daytime television SHOCKA so either the sight of so many donuts in one place grossed me out or it's because i'm sick and have no appetite (the pieces of paper were there for people to record which brand was their favorite).

in other news, i walked last night. went to the local pond where, years ago, i worked my way up to a jog, figuring maybe i left some good mojo there to get me up to a jog again in the next few weeks. the first song on my ipod was mystikal's shake ya ass, which was fine because my ass shakes quite well without much effort. note to self: add more crystal method to my ipod. makes me feel bad ass. and find a good remedy for shin splints.

question du jour: how will you monitor your progress over the next 30 days? what milestones will you notice? i'm not weighing myself. i did that back in the WW days when i ate carrots for a living and lost 20 pounds in 4 months. i think i'm forcing myself to go with a more intuitive measure of accomplishment this time.

angel

ZOMG!

Tomorrow! Demain! Manana! How do you do accents on here! Huomenna! Imorgon! Jutro! Domani! Thank you Google translate!

TOMORROW!!!

Here's a little sumsum to put us in the mood.

well, well, well, what do we have here?

no, i'm not about to litter. i just happened to be at a red light. that's my apple a day, another goal of mine for these thirty days*.





*this apple a day is contingent upon pollen counts since birch tends to trigger an oral allergy for me when eating apples, i know--like you care. btw, when is the damned mold count going to drop??? sweet bejesus, it's killing me and i'll probably have to wear a michael jackson face mask when i go walking tonight but what the hell, it's austin so it will be fashionable. (oh yeah, and i'm assuming we can cuss on this blog since we're all big girls and karen already popped the profanity cherry when she said "suck it, bitches").

angel

It's Not You, It's Me. Well, Okay, It's You.

Dear Krispy Kreme Chocolate Iced, Maple Iced, and Sugar Coated Donuts,

I can't see you anymore. The truth is, you're no good for me. If you were a person, you'd be the sexy biker with the heart of stone, the prison record, and the drug habit. And I just can't live like that anymore.

I would wish you well, but frankly I wouldn't be sad if all your locations burned to the ground. Also, I think it's very unfair of the three of you to be so entangled in my mind that whenever I loose myself to your siren call, I do so in triplicate.

Meet me on the couch in five minutes for one last fling.

Karen

PS Suck it, bitches.

PPS No, I didn't mean it! Take me back, my darlings!

PPPS NO! NO! YOU FIENDS!

T Minus One Soda

Only one of my many, many health flaws: once the junk is in the house, I cannot not consume it. Now is not the time to explore how eloquently this illustrates my dysfunction with food, since I am too busy shoveling fast food french fries into my mouth hand over fist.

The important thing to know is this: sodas in the house = no success, and what I'm doing here is called Not Setting Myself Up For Failure as opposed to Making Excuses.

For waiting to start this challenge until the last soda has been dispatched with, you may either congratulate me or hit me over the head. I welcome both responses equally.

In any case, there is but one Coke left in the fridge now, which means that TUESDAY IS D-DAY. Monday I will spend the day lovingly sipping the Coke and choreographing an appropriate war dance to start my thirty days.

inspiration station

okay, here's what's driving me to get through this month of healthy living.

i'm not one to keep "skinny clothes" around as inspiration because they've never succeeded in the past. but something about this goodwill goodie caught my attention. maybe because it's what i *felt* when i saw it. i could feel the kind of person i would be when wearing this skirt. so it's hanging in full view in my closet. and i'm printing copies of this photo for my car (where i often binge on fast food), for my work badge (where i often binge in the break room), for my wallet (where i often reach for my debit card to buy fast food as a comfort), and another one just for good measure.

karen: damn girl, that's a lot on your plate! can you prioritize the lists so we can help you stay on track?

angel

Fairy Dust, Butterfly Snot, and Feathers From an Angel's Wing

Do you have any I could borrow? Because those may be the things needed to help me stick to my goals, which will include but may not be limited to:

No! BAD Karen!

• donuts
  
• cookies
  
• any other baked good sugary deliciousness
  
• store-bought soda (From restaurants is OK. As we all know, the shiny glasses eating establishments serve their refreshments in renders them calorieless.)
  
• candy. Period.
  
• sitting on my ass all day
  
• croissants
  

Yes! Do this!

• drink water
  
• be more active
  
• eat vegetables every day
  
• eat fruits every day
  
• get enough protein
  
• get enough sleep
  

No, you don't have to be insane to be me, but it helps.

How Thirty Days of Health Might Be Like Thirty Days of Night

Consider the following:

• They have monstrous creatures with lightning speed and incredible strength that appear from nowhere and drag victims off into the darkness; I have monstrous cravings with lightning speed and incredible strength that appear from nowhere and drag me off into the darkness.
  
  
• They have super hottie Josh Hartnett to help them battle the Villainous Demons that would tear them limb from limb; I have super hottie Husband to help me battle the Villainous Donuts that would tear my resolve limb from limb.
  
  
• That cold ain't the weather. That's death approachin'; That cold ain't the weather. That's ice cream sandwiches approachin'.
  
  
• Survivors must creep in silence from one shadow to another, ever mindful of the bloodthirsty ambushers that could be waiting around any corner and oh my god don't move don't even breath please don't see me please don't see me jesus please don't see me and see? Thirty Days of Health and Thirty Days of Night may as well be one and the same!